You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
