Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
