She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
