i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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