walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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