i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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