Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
