Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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