I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
