respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He had one of those small greek statue penises
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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