someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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