Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
