if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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