i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
