U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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