Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
