I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
