I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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