Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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