Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
