I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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