My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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