I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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