Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
