am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
