you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
