I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
