I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
