I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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