i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
