youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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