I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
