...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
