Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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