Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can't put those talents on a resume
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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