At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
