I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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