I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
