If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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