halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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