a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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