if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
