He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I am naked and annoyed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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