Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
