Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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