I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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