we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
