For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
