Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
