i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
even my farts smell like vagina
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
