He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
