He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
