Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
