this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
