i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
