I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
