Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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