Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Found your dick twin last night
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
