Whod you bang
I think I died a long time ago.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
