last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
