Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize