We won't sleep together?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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