The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
