I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
