ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
