My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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