It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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