Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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