you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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