just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
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Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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