...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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