I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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