the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
