grandma shit on top of the toilet
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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