Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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