Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
