Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
