and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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